I nearly died in 2014. My brain ate itself. I now know this to be the result of a massive Autistic burnout at the age of 44, having flogged myself to be the best “Norm” I could, I had nothing left. I hit the stimulants and slid into psychosis.
In 2015 I sobered up, recovered my sanity and subsequently learned that I was Autistic. I like being Autistic. I have a great career and have managers who nurture my talent and help me optimise myself.
In 2022, I’ve concluded that my mind isn’t fully explained by Autism. I’m too flighty, my internal motor is running too fast. Pathological Demand Avoidance feels like the best Autism profile to explain the beautiful brain I have.
Now I’m exploring ADHD as framework to understand the way my brain works, I procrastinate, I avoid mundane tasks. I have, in the past hated myself for it. It has held me back from excelling in the way a “Norm” would have done with my intellect.
As part of that process I have had to review my school reports to find evidence of ADHD before the age of 12. I wanted to share the extracts, because it has been shattering to read how the school system took a boy who in 1977 aged 7 was;
Those schools and their teachers witnessed the slow disintegration of a young child, who had much potential – more than most – into deeper dysfunction and depression as each year passed.
The system made that emotional disintegration my fault. These people were not just teachers, they were perpetrators. Insulated from responsibility because they were the system.
How can you “snap out” of ADHD?. This is the barbarity of School. I never saw it before, the signs were there and I can now see why I have been a slave to depression and anxiety my entire life.