This is a whimsical look at some of the lunacy that we as educators sign up to. A gentle send up of myself and others….Or its the beginning of a radical new ideology for education. You decide.
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The grinch manifesto for primary schools: written feedback – don’t bother
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Grinch manifesto for primary schools – circle time : sorry, I’m not holding the squeaky pig – I can’t tell you, it’s not my turn
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The grinch manifesto for primary schools : stickers – you can stick ’em….
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Grinch manifesto for primary schools : parents – not to be trusted – avoid them
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Grinch manifesto for primary schools : wake and shake – we must find another mindless theory to invest in
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The grinch manifesto for primary schools : brain gym – see wake and shake
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#grinchmanifesto for primary schools – Christmas : a self indulgent waste of time in school – leave it to parents and do more core business
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#grinchmanifesto for primary schools – Christmas : a self indulgent waste of time in school – leave it to parents and do more core business
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#grinchmanifesto display: just wait til teach meet bett2013 to hear about that
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#grinchmanifesto – enrichment weeks will be banned as they imply the rest of the year is not enriching
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#grinchmanifesto CPD meetings will be abandoned in favour of the more productive process of watching paint dry
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#grinchmanifesto governors : abandoned In favour of head teachers cheerleader troupe
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#grinchmanifesto health eating : abandoned – fat kids break less bones and wear the grass out less
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#grinchmanifesto reading diaries – abandoned – we shall hold parents accountable for their asparagus consumption instead
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#grinchmanifesto homework : children will be encouraged to get a life and celebrate their freedom.
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#grinchmanifesto citizenship – taught via croquet, a game of filth & ruthlessness, highlighting the need 2 murder your own granny to get on.
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#grinchmanifesto truth – children will only be congratulated for outstanding. Ordinary will be rewarded with indifference
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#grinchmanifesto all children should have iPad mini – why? Cos they are shiny and surely must b good 4 learning, I mean everyone’s doing it.
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#grinchmanifesto peer evaluation will be encouraged – the blind can lead the blind and mediocrity is to be encouraged
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#grinchmanifesto reflection will be renamed as navel gazing – competence as attention seeking
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#grinchmanifesto appraisal will be renamed as the sword of Damocles
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#grinchmanifesto WALTs and WILFs will be encouraged to enable identification of teachers who require electrocution
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#grinchmanifesto following constituent feedback, Christmas will begin in October so children can b wound up into a chocolate fuelled frenzy
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#grinchmanifesto cups of tea: allowed anywhere in school. Kids will learn to take their chances & how best to ambush a supply teacher
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#grinchmanifesto rust nails to be installed in all corridors, lock jaw is a condition to be embraced by all in education
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#grinchmanifesto assessment & record keeping: abandoned in favour of the more efficient punishment of trapping teachers fingers in a drawer
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#grinchmanifesto sitting nicely will be elevated to a core curriculum subject
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#grinchmanifesto thinking about the future of education I am –
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#grinchmanifesto creativity will be named a non word and removed from the vocabulary of schools. Replaced by ” do something useful”
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#grinchmanifesto teachers will be encouraged to focus on pointless minutiae and forget about the big picture…..no wait…….
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#grinchmanifesto photocopiers will be acknowledged as the centre of the univers and worshiped appropriately with half empty mugs of tea
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#grinchmanifesto interactive whiteboards will be renamed as interactive white elephants
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RT @ethinking: #grinchmanifesto the ofjedi will have new grades,1: pompous
2: if only
3: lucky
4: busted -
#grinchmanifesto 1) digiblu cameras will be inserted into an orifice of the muppet who chose a shit camera cos it was blue
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#grinchmanifesto red pen will be reinstated
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#grinchmanifesto the revised #ofjedi framework has been announced:1: pompous bustards
2 not busted
3 nearly busted
4: busted -
#grinchmanifesto the competitive sport of covering the geek in mud will be reintroduced
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#grinchmanifesto kids taught by preferred farting style:visual (incontinent)
auditory( silent but deadly)
kinaesthetic ( earth moving) -
#grinchmanifesto all children should be compelled to recite the 2 ronnies “four candles ” sketch
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#grinchmanifesto primary computer suite timetables will from now on be correctly known as works of fiction
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#grinchmanifesto photocopiers will be acknowledged as the centre of the univers and worshiped appropriately with half empty mugs of tea
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#grinchmanifesto all children will be compelled to recite the following monty python sketches:Ex-parrot
What have the Romans done for us? -
#grinchmanifesto primary computer suite timetables will from now on be correctly known as works of fiction
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#grinchmanifesto home school agreements will be abandoned as meaningless trite attempts at imposing wooly liberal values on families
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#grinchmanifesto schools should institute the mentality of the great escape and dig at least one tunnel out of school per year
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#grinchmanifesto WALT and WILF will be rebranded for the knowledge based curriculum by:We
All
Need to
Know(Think about it) -
#grinchmanifesto @lennyvalentino #vle will be deified and go down in history as testament to schools inability to manage meaningful change
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#grinchmanifesto a new element of the PE curriculum will be the ministry of funny walks #montypython
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#grinchmanifesto assemblies will be rescheduled to 2pm So that All children may listen to the #archers on a daily basis. This is compulsory
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#grinchmanifesto all secondary school students will wear prison uniform – face it; they are guilty – we just haven’t caught them yet
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#grinchmanifesto bring back the nit nurse
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#grinchmanifesto schools should erect fences to keep the world out and treat all visitors as potential paedophiles.
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@ethinking #grinchmanifesto don’t they do this already?
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#grinchmanifesto SATs abandoned and schools will instead be measured by their ability to teach children to balance a pasty on their nose
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#grinchmanifesto a schools position in the league tables will be determined by the grinch through a sealed bid process #brownenvelope
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#grinchmanifesto head teachers should be elected not appointed
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@ethinking is the head a leader of education or simply good at parent PR? #grinchmanifesto
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#grinchmanifesto @HGJohn agreed as stated earlier – parents are to be considered the enemy they are cretins
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#grinchmanifesto in a policy revision, headteachers will be appointed by a panel of community representatives some of whom should be elected
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#grinchmanifesto meal time assistants will be acknowledged. In their proper role: warders…and equipped accordingly
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#grinchmanifesto school uniform: all shirts will be tucked in at all times. One trouser leg may be rolled up. Odd socks will be compulsory
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#grinchmanifesto all children should have a voice. But no one need listen
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#grinchmanifesto all schools should have a pet giraffe
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#grinchmanifesto in order to leave primary school, children must be able to perform the indefensible crane position move from #karatekid
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#grinchmanifesto all children must be able to name the 1966 World Cup winning team by the age of 7
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#grinchmanifesto the only tablets allowed in schools will be those designed for suppository use
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#grinchmanifesto there will be no chairs in school, all stakeholders will sit on one of those big blue gym balls #core curriculum
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#grinchmanifesto all male teachers should wear cartoon ties to demonstrate their playful side and help them relate to the children
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#grinchmanifesto look, say, cover write, check will b imposed on all children 2 ensure they prove that they worked hard on their spelling
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The #grinchmanifesto will never be complete it is an open and transparent consultation process.
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#grinchmanifesto essential skill 4 learning & life: coloring in – a national drive 4 even tone, uniform direction & keeping within the lines
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@ethinking Don’t you go labelling my son a failure with your keeping inside the lines dogma #grinchmanifesto
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#grinchmanifesto children who refuse to keep inside the lines will be tarred and feathered, then sent to room 101 #1989
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#grinchmanifesto @HGJohn in light of the #1989 policy, there will be no failures. Or at least they won’t survive long
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#grinchmanifesto tests will be taken without preparation, the distribution of marks will b the same, but children get their education back
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#grinchmanifesto every school shall have a goat
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#grinchmanifesto teachers should dring from tommy tippee mugs with the spout on in order to save children from the minimal risk of scalding
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#grinchmanifesto parents evenings will be redesigned and take place in the family home
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#grinchmanifesto children should be taught to beg for charity, any attempt to engage in enterprising wealth generation should be condemned
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#grinchmanifesto @simfin all mobile phone owners are designated as a risk to children.
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#grinchmanifesto children will be expected to spend 5 minutes a day lining up. Twins will ensure 180 hours of queuing r achieved by year 11
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#grinchmanifesto education welfare officers will be replaced by the #childcatcher #chittychittybangbang
